what is this blog about anyway...?

In trying to figure out how to go about this blog business, I have decided to just have at it. Friends who read blogs told me I should blog, that I would love it and others would love to read my stuff. I continued to hesitate. I wondered (like most people I suppose) who would care about what I have to say or what I think...?  This recently reminded me of a conversation I had several years ago with Patriot News Editor, Nancy Eshelman, who was my instructor at a graduate Journalism class. At the end of the News Writing class, she asked me to become a 'stringer' and write feature pieces for the local newspaper. I was stunned- who would care what I have to say? Why would anyone read my opinion? She replied by saying that all feature columnists start out feeling that way, but after some writing, people start to comment and it just goes from there. She told me that I was an interesting story teller- people liked to listen to me- and that I had a gift for writing. I was flattered and loved the challenge to try something new. I did have one story published, and stopped after that, as I was quite pregnant with my first child and unfortunately, sick. I had forgotten about this conversation until recently. While on the beach reading the book, The Girls from Ames, I realized that I could have written a similar book about the long-standing relationships that have been a part of my life, as well as those which have come and gone. I have learned so much over the past few years using, of all things, Facebook, as I have delved into a whole new culture of friendships that have had a rebirth as a result of that social media. I think I have several chapters of that book mapped in my mind. More on that later.

Why writing? I started writing notes to myself in June of 2009 when it hit me (like the proverbial ton of bricks!) that I was having some personal issues with the direction my life was heading. Only adding to these journalesque writings, I never delete or edit what I have written, as it has served as a slice of how I felt at the time. Much of it written in the stream of consciousness style, to date, I have almost 200 pages in Word, which have only been shared with my therapist. Some others close to me have read certain excerpts, but mainly its quite private. This cathartic experience has documented my feelings over the past year or so, good and bad. Don't worry, I won't be sharing that, and I certainly wouldn't publish it in its current un-edited state. I have learned through this experience, however, that writing is a terrific way for me to work through all kinds of issues. My therapist says I am 'prolific'- I think that might be a nice way of saying long-winded. I think I like writing almost as much as talking...

At any rate, I found myself thinking more about writing a book I have been thinking about for many years. I never really thought I would actually write it, as I thought that non-fiction books had to glean something... there had to be some expert view or something for it to teach others, so I didn't think my ideas fit the bill. In speaking with many people over the past year, however, I have learned that this is not the case, that perhaps the journey and (maybe more importantly) knowing you are not alone on this journey is a worthwhile endeavor to share. Whether or not these thoughts will ever make it into a book format remains to be seen. I hope to expound on these topics in this forum as possible.

So here is kind of an introduction. I currently plan to write about the 'transition' in which I have found myself. This is the jouney that I mentioned above. I have been working through where I am now- my kids no longer need me to stay alive- but need me in other new ways. I have been searching for meaning outside the world I have created in my current network of family and friends. Maybe its a mid-life crisis plain and simple, I don't know for sure. Anyhow, I have been on a journey and hope to shed some light on this as I have found so many others who can relate to these issues as our lives have turned a new corner. This is not just about women either, by the way. Men, as husbands or as Dads are going through transitions in this early 40s stage, although I have read that their midlife crises tend to hit more in the mid 50s... I bet you can benefit from these discussions whether you are a man or a woman. I hope so.

Finally, (I know, no way!) I am new to the whole blog scene. I don't want to filter myself so much that I lose that genuine sense of myself, but I don't want to upset or hurt anyone inadvertantly either. That is not what this is about. I will also try not to swear, which is really hard for me. I write like I talk, so be prepared for that... I hope its enjoyable for us both. Thanks for reading. :)