Hard to believe that tomorrow I will take a tiny step toward deciding if law school is in fact in my future. I have an appointment to visit a first year class at Widener Law School and then take a tour of the campus. Yikes! Ought to be a short tour, as I think there are only about well, two buildings! That is ok, as I am most looking to get a feel for the class. I need to ask myself if I can actually do this. Is it finally the right time to pursue something I have wanted to do since I was 6 years old? In second grade I wanted to be the Attorney General of the United States. Pretty funny, really, because it was the 70s, so I probably heard that title in the news, with Watergate and all the other government stuff that was happening at the time. I didn't know much back then about the job, other than they "prosecute federal cases," which I suppose is a mouthful for a 7 year old. At any rate, my desire for a legal career waxed and waned over time. I remember my high school debate class with Mrs. Franchois at C.B.West. That class was probably as difficult as any course of my first two years of undergraduate-she was relentless. I did learn so much about debate, how to prepare, how to think on my feet, as well as weird stuff like Roberts Rules of Order, which I never, ever thought would apply to my life. (I was wrong about that, by the way.) What I remember most about that class is the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when it was my turn, not in a nervous holy crap kind of way, but in a wow its my turn and I am on now kind of way. I enjoyed the challenge of the quick pull out the card I remember a fact on that, and being able to (usually) pull it together to make a rebuttal work. I learned in that class that I could perform under pressure and speak passionately even if the opinion wasn't in alignment with mine, but the facts supported the point. I suppose she is one of those teachers I ought to look up and thank, as that class most definitely shaped my future in many ways.
I can't say I regret not going to law school as a 25 year old, as obviously my life would have turned out differently if I had done it then, and I have a pretty great life now as a 42 year old, as trite as that sounds. I am an intense person who is hard to stop once I become passionate about something, so I feel like if it is finally the right time, (oh and don't forget the minor point of actually getting in!), then I think I can do it. I have to know it is the right time as it will change our family lifestyle if the answer is yes to begin pursuing it. I recognize that a lot of the busy work that I do now will have to end. I think I am cool with most of that, as much of it is stuff I have been trying to ditch for a long time, but either didn't have the heart to, or didn't know how to. I hope that I am not just looking for something more important to say to people when I tell them no... I mean now I just say, "Uh, no I can't do that." Long pause. Then after they ask again, I repeat, "Nope, not gonna do it." (insert Larry the Cucumber voice here. If you don't know who he is, Google him.)* If I was going to law school, I could say to people, "Nope, not going to do that. I am going to law school." Sounds alot more important than, "I can't help you because I have a date with my dirty laundry...," but don't worry, I know that isn't a good enough reason to go to law school- it has to be for me. I can't do this for anyone else but me. That is a new thing, the just for me part, as my life decisions have focused nearly entirely on our family for the past 15 or so years. Doing something for me... hmmmm... I like how that sounds.
Good news too, when I looked over the course descriptions listing for the law school, I was wowed over about 75 % of the classes. The ones I didn't get excited about were taxes, estate planning, wills, and that sort of stuff. I have always gotten excited about Constitutional law, which was one of my most favorite (and most challenging) classes at Temple University as an undergrad. I remember just being enthralled by the decisions and the discussions were the kind I always imagined would take place at college. It was a tremendous amount of reading and writing, but I remember loving it. That's got to be a good thing.
Finally, I need to assess if I want to be a lawyer. Is this a means to an end for me? I am sure there will be value in the learning, but its going to take a lot of perseverance and fortitude to get through it. Do I want the job of being a lawyer, as in do I want to perform the day to day? While certainly a competitive person, I don't see myself at this stage in my life competing with fellow students (read: 20-somethings!) for a high powered corporate attorney position. I see myself in some capacity working essentially for myself. The nine-to-five do what someone tells me to gig would be really hard to go back to at this point. So, the idea of doing this in my way, on my terms, is alluring. I am not sure how realistic that is; I guess I do need more research. If the job I really want is say, a politician (just an example- I know, what a stretch, huh?!), then law school might not be a necessary path to take. I need to make sure I cover those bases before I make the decision of whether or not to go.
One thing is certain: I want to actually make the decision. I don't want to have my inactivity be the decision. I don't want to wake up in 5 years and ask myself why I didn't do this years before. I want to make sure its the right thing at the right time, and I need to know that I turned over the necessary stones to know I actually decided, even if I ultimately decide that its not for me. Tomorrow I will begin the job of turning the first stone.
* Ok, my confession: Those who know me personally know that this is well, sort of bullshit. I rarely say no when asked to do things. I think this is a bit of fantasy on my part- that I would say that if I could. I do like the idea of using Larry's voice to tell people NO. It would certainly divert the attention away from me, since he is a talking cucumber and all. Indulge me a bit on this fantasy thing, it is, afterall, my blog, right?
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